You may notice this isn't in the requested format. This is because I wrote my articles in the order they should appear, but in a website posts that are newest are at the top, so I reccommend start at the bottom to get the correct order. (the bottom is the introductory article)
Thanks!
-John Hancock, an editor at the Philadelphia Phactchecker
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
EDITORIAL: CONSTITUTION=STRONGER CENTRAL GOVERNMENT=WEAKER COUNTRY
by Samuel Adams
As I was inventing new flavors of beer, I realized that this Constitution is NOT a good direction for our country to be going. Why, you ask? Well, I still fail to realize what was so terribly wrong about our old government - the good ol' AOC. Sure, it had some issues, but a whole NEW document? Preposterous! Ridiculous! Absurd! Phantasmagorical! I think that the idea of a weaker central government was great. I mean, sure, we states had our squabbles, but did anything horrible happen? Did we have any wars? No! It was a decade or so of domestic tranquility! And now we want to strengthen our central government AND have a commander-in-chief? Absurd! Ridiculous! Preposterous! Phantasmagorical! Soon, we'll be virtually back in Britain's reign! They say that their precious checks and balances and separation of powers will prevent that, but I'm quite sceptical. BAH! Look how England's Parliament worked out! I think this Constitution will fail, and with it our young country's chances of surviving in a dog-eat-dog world.
As I was inventing new flavors of beer, I realized that this Constitution is NOT a good direction for our country to be going. Why, you ask? Well, I still fail to realize what was so terribly wrong about our old government - the good ol' AOC. Sure, it had some issues, but a whole NEW document? Preposterous! Ridiculous! Absurd! Phantasmagorical! I think that the idea of a weaker central government was great. I mean, sure, we states had our squabbles, but did anything horrible happen? Did we have any wars? No! It was a decade or so of domestic tranquility! And now we want to strengthen our central government AND have a commander-in-chief? Absurd! Ridiculous! Preposterous! Phantasmagorical! Soon, we'll be virtually back in Britain's reign! They say that their precious checks and balances and separation of powers will prevent that, but I'm quite sceptical. BAH! Look how England's Parliament worked out! I think this Constitution will fail, and with it our young country's chances of surviving in a dog-eat-dog world.
NO POWER TOO GREAT IN NEW GOVERNMENT
by Charles Pinckney
Everyone has to agree, the addition of Separation of Powers was a brilliant move for the Founding Fathers (one of which happens to be my actual father). Separation of Powers is basically where all people or branches in the government have separate powers and not too many, so that no one can be all-powerful and corrupt the system. In our brand-spankin'-new government, each branch of government has specific powers assigned to them, like impeachment, creating laws, etc.
Everyone has to agree, the addition of Separation of Powers was a brilliant move for the Founding Fathers (one of which happens to be my actual father). Separation of Powers is basically where all people or branches in the government have separate powers and not too many, so that no one can be all-powerful and corrupt the system. In our brand-spankin'-new government, each branch of government has specific powers assigned to them, like impeachment, creating laws, etc.
CONSTITUTION GETS CHECKING AND BALANCING
Dear George,
I am SO confused!!!! I thought checks and balances were used to pay my extremely high taxes to King George! Now I'm being told they're part of my government?!?! I don't know what's right anymore! I've got nothing to live for! Help me!
Sincerely,
Bett C. Ross
Dear Bett,
Calm down. This isn't worth getting worked up about. It's only one of the single most influential documents that will ever be created in the history of mankind. Now, checks and balances were included in the Constitution to make sure that no one gets too powerful. For instance, in the US government, the president can veto the legislative branch's laws, the legislative branch can impeach the president, and the judicial branch can rule things unconstitutional. There you go. Now, go get a job. I here that the Flagmaker's Union is looking for new members. Youd be great! I need to go powder my nose now. No, really.
Yours oh-so-truly,
George Washington
I am SO confused!!!! I thought checks and balances were used to pay my extremely high taxes to King George! Now I'm being told they're part of my government?!?! I don't know what's right anymore! I've got nothing to live for! Help me!
Sincerely,
Bett C. Ross
Dear Bett,
Calm down. This isn't worth getting worked up about. It's only one of the single most influential documents that will ever be created in the history of mankind. Now, checks and balances were included in the Constitution to make sure that no one gets too powerful. For instance, in the US government, the president can veto the legislative branch's laws, the legislative branch can impeach the president, and the judicial branch can rule things unconstitutional. There you go. Now, go get a job. I here that the Flagmaker's Union is looking for new members. Youd be great! I need to go powder my nose now. No, really.
Yours oh-so-truly,
George Washington
BICAMERALISM: A PICTURE OF OUR FUTURE
Photographer Thomas Jefferson stopped by our offices to explain the concept of bicameralism, first introduced earlier this week in the Constitution. "I wasn't actually there to sign it," he confessed, "but I helped envision it. Bicameralism is basically the idea of having two houses of government. We put it in the Constitution because we wanted to support both the New Jersey and the Virginia Plans, i.e. we wanted both small states and large states to get what they wanted. It's been called the Great Compromise, although my brilliant nickname 'Getting to the ends of our unicameral friends' hasn't quite caught on yet - but no matter. In our government, one house will be based on state population, and one will have the same number of representatives from each state. That's it."
FEDERALISM A BIG HIT IN CONSTITUTION, LEAVES SOME CONFUSED
by Oliver Wolcott
Many states are embracing a new way of government that comes with federalism being included in our Constitution, a controversial move that left many wondering if those in Philadelphia had lost their minds. The concept of federalism is that the government will be a large central power, surrounded by smaller state powers. It was included in the Constitution so that there would be no central government too powerful, mirroring a monarchy, yet there wouldn't be a weak central government, a weakness of the Articles of Confederation. In our government, the central government will be stationed in Philadelphia whilst the smaller state governments will hold power in their respective states. Yet some weren't so optimistic on the change. We found a young woman crying in the street. "I'm just so confused," she wept. "I keep trying to wrap my mind around it. I hear, federalism, federalism, and all I can hear and think is feudalism, feudalism, feudalism! I fell like I'm hitting a brick wall here! Am I losing my mind?" Here's hoping our future is a little more bright.
Many states are embracing a new way of government that comes with federalism being included in our Constitution, a controversial move that left many wondering if those in Philadelphia had lost their minds. The concept of federalism is that the government will be a large central power, surrounded by smaller state powers. It was included in the Constitution so that there would be no central government too powerful, mirroring a monarchy, yet there wouldn't be a weak central government, a weakness of the Articles of Confederation. In our government, the central government will be stationed in Philadelphia whilst the smaller state governments will hold power in their respective states. Yet some weren't so optimistic on the change. We found a young woman crying in the street. "I'm just so confused," she wept. "I keep trying to wrap my mind around it. I hear, federalism, federalism, and all I can hear and think is feudalism, feudalism, feudalism! I fell like I'm hitting a brick wall here! Am I losing my mind?" Here's hoping our future is a little more bright.
STATES LOVE THEIR TAXATION AND REPRESENTATION
by Charles Cotesworth Pinckney
Representative democracy is becoming a big hit with federalists and anti federalists alike. We sat down with a man whose name is Daniel of Saint Thomas Jenifer (he asked us not to print that but we did anyway) to talk about what representative democracy really means.
PINCKNEY: So, Mr. (snicker) Jenifer, I understand that you represented Maryland in the Constitutional Convention?
JENIFER: Indeed I did, good sir. I also helped make representative democracy a reality!
PINCKNEY: For the benefit of our not-as-educated-as-us audience, what exactly is representative democracy?
JENIFER: Well, we're all well aware of what a monarchy is, after that ghastly spell with king you-know-who. We surely didn't want that. And direct democracy is all fine and dandy, but no one has the time to vote on everything, Pinckney! So we decided that representative democracy, which means that the people vote on representatives to vote on the issues for us would be best, so we put in the Constitution. In our government, this will work so that everyone goes to the polls and votes for reps, and they will vote on all the issues in Congress and the like.
PINCKNEY: So… Jenifer? (Cracks up)
JENIFER: (stands up) You should talk, PINKIE! I thought you were a gentleman! (walks off in a huff)
CONSTITUTION KNOCKS ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION DOWN TO SIZE
by Oliver Wolcott
Yesterday, the finishing touches were put on the Constitution, a article creating the basis for the government of the United States of America. It was created in the Constitutional Convention here in Philadelphia and signed by all the authors. Originally meant to be a change to fix the Articles of Confederation, it then progressed to create a whole new document. No news on whether it will be ratified in all states, however "it seems like a great start to our new country," says Carter Braxton, a signer and co-author of said document.
Yesterday, the finishing touches were put on the Constitution, a article creating the basis for the government of the United States of America. It was created in the Constitutional Convention here in Philadelphia and signed by all the authors. Originally meant to be a change to fix the Articles of Confederation, it then progressed to create a whole new document. No news on whether it will be ratified in all states, however "it seems like a great start to our new country," says Carter Braxton, a signer and co-author of said document.
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